Today, we cover a few bases with some early television output from Ross Bagdasarian/Format Films and Art Clokey, then move into an era-hopping run of various incarnations of the spinach-chomping sailor, Popeye, in five made-for-TV baseball outings – or perhaps more appropriately, innings.
Little League (Format Films/Bagdasarian, The Alvin Show, 1/10/62) – A sandlot game is scheduled between two teams rather short on players. A kid named Roger fields a team of four. Alvin’s team consists only of himself and his two brothers, Simon and Theodore. To make matters worse, Alvin is late, and Roger is calling for a forfeit if Alvin doesn’t show up before he counts ten. Roger tries to give it a short count, but Alvin shows up at the last possible second – wheeling a toddler in a baby carriage, and dragging behind a pull-along quacking duck toy for the kid. Alvin has been saddled with baby-sitting duties for Mrs. Brown. Roger laughs, and still calls for a forfeit, believing that Alvin can’t play and baby-sit at the same time. Alvin insists he can do both, and beat Roger’s team with one hand toed behind his back. Alvin assumes his positions as star (and only) pitcher of his roster, wheeling the baby carriage out to the mound, and handing the Brown boy his duck to keep him occupied while in the carriage. But the boy has no present interest in the duck. “I wanna play ball”, he repeats over and over, frustrating Alvin, who keeps having to tell him he’s too little to play. Despite the chatter from behind him, Alvin throws three perfect strikes to catcher Theodore for the first out. Roger comes up to bat second, and carues three bats. Alvin protests, but Roger falsely claims there’s nothing in the rules that says he can’t. “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you”, responds Alvin. Alvin throws another perfect strike, catching Roger swinging. “You’re out!”, calls Alvin. “Whadd’ya mean I’m out?”, challenges Roger. “Three bats – three strikes”, Alvin replies, putting Roger in his place.
A third batter from Roger’s team comes to the plate. Alvin tells the baby to watch him strike this guy out too – but the unexpected happens. As Alvin rears back for his wind-up, the kid grabs the ball from Alvin’s hand. “I wanna play ball”, he insists again, and gently tosses the ball away toward home plate. The ball finds the batter’s favorite sweet spot, and is promptly whacked over the fence, leaving the chipmunks with nothing to do but watch it sail away. “I played ball – I hit bat, ball go ‘whee’!”, declares the baby proudly. Alvin only sulks.
Three more strikes on the next batter, and it’s the chipmunks’ turn at bat. Theodore goes first. Roger’s catcher pulls the old dangerous game of taking two hops forward, getting in front of Theodore each time a pitch is thrown, to catch two of them for strikes. Theodore can see where this is going, and when the catcher takes two forward hops again, Theodore also takes two forward hops of his own before the pitch can be thrown. Though completely off the plate and batter’s box, Theodore and the catcher engage in a hopping duel, each repositioning himself in front of the other repeatedly, until both of them reach the pitcher’s mound, with Theodore ahead in front. He challenges Roger to pitch the ball now, as they practically stand together nose-to-nose. Roger concedes he’ll pitch fairly, if they’ll both go back to the plate. This is enough for Theodore to hit a pop-up into shallow infield. The catcher flips up his mask behind hus cap, and trues to make the catch – but the ball clanks upon the reversed face-mask behind his head, and drops to the ground. Theodore winds up comfortably at first. “Get a hit, Simon”, Alvin calls encouragingly to his next brother. “Naturally”, responds Simon with complete confidence. The catcher tries another dirty trick, holding onto Simon’s bat with his catcher’s mitt, causing Simon to flip and fall when he attempts to swing. Alvin charges the mound, reminding Roger that he promised to play fair. Roger relents again, but adds that Simon probably can’t hit it anyway. Wrong. Simon gets a solid one-bagger, advancing Theodore to second. Now Alvin’s turn. One swing, and the ball bounces comfortably up against the outfield fence. Having to wheel the baby carriage as he runs, Alvin only gets a single out of it, leaving all three chipmunks on base – with no one left in their lineup to bat them home. Roger is about to declare his team winner for lack of a further batter – but Alvin engages in some fast emergency recruiting – and announces the kid will bat next. “Who, me?”, responds the kid, for the first time all day showing some doubt about his own abilities. Alvin gives him some motivational words to convince him he can do it, and places a bat in the toddler’s hands – a bat he seems scarcely capable of lifting off the ground. “Play ball” calls the kid to Roger, finally getting himself into a game face. Roger is doubled up with laughter, as the kid, ignoring the rules, approaches the mound at closer and closer range, waiting for Roger to throw a pitch. When the kid is only two feet away from the rubber, Roger, still in stitches from laughter, manages to utter, “Okay, kid”, and lobs a baby-toss to the tyke. The baby gets under it, and clouts the ball a country mile, giving the chipmunks a victory by grand slam. Roger can only glower, and flash sheepish grins of apology to his teammates, as if to say, “How did I know?” Alvin congratulates the baby at really “playing ball”, then takes off his own cap to address the audience in a moment of semi-seriousness. “Ladies and gentlemen. Given the chance, the youth of America will always come through!” He winks to the audience, for the fade out.
Publicity still from “Clyde Crashcup Invents Baseball”
Against a blank green background, Crashcup draws an entire baseball stadium, including a subject spectator or fan, whose objective is to come to relax and enjoy himself. The happy, carefree fella is in fact a classic burly bleacher type, whose favorite repeated line of dialog is “Kill da bum!” Crashcup next lays out the playing field, having Leonardo tag behind him with a pile of base bags and a white striping device. Crashcup sets positions for “first place, second place, third place”, but can’t conceive of why Leonardo wants to call the next “home” instead of “fourth”. The completed field has bases and a mound, but no sign of a diamond. Instead, the base lines seem to intersect at off-angles somewhere in the middle. Crashcup instructs Leonardo on the rights of choosing sides, presenting the contest of who obtains the upper grasp upon a bat handle.
When Leonardo gets the top grip, Crashcup cheats, by using his pencil to extend the bat handle one hand higher for himself to grip. “I choose me, and you get – you.” Crashcup incorrectly instructs Leonardo to pitch from a base instead of the mound, but himself holds onto the ball, telling Leonardo to “Pitch the bat”. Leonardo shrugs his shoulders and follows orders, braining Crashcup with the stick of wood. “Something seems wrong”, mutters Crashcup, who suggests they switch places – but again, with Leonardo pitching the lumber. As Crashcup lays upon the ground again, he utters, “Perfect.” However, this does not last long, as an outburst from the spectator gets Crashcup hit by a pop bottle, and Crashcup sees the need for someone to maintain law and order in this game. He thus invents the umpire – who immediately instructs Crashcup to have Leonardo pitch the ball instead of the bat. Crashcup can’t understand this decree, but doesn’t want to step on the umpire’s authority. At least until the ump calls two strikes upon Crashcup – a term that Crashcup not only can’t understand, but hasn’t even invented yet.
Crashcup begins to exchange words with the ump, and soon calls him blind. The spectator also disagrees with the umpire’s calls, and before you know it, spectator, ump, and the two inventors are lost in the dust of a fight cloud. Crashcup briefly emerges from the cloud, summing up to the audience that relaxation is an art – one must work at it.
• Though not complete, a good clip from the last half of “Crashcup Invents Baseball”, is on Instagram – CLICK HERE.
The Gumby League (Art Clokey, Gumby, 10/31/63) – A late-season installment of the series finds Gumby as captain of a five-player baseball team (Pokey, Prickle, Goo, and a clay Professor character recruited for a guest shot rounding out his team). Their opponents? Who else, the Block Heads (this time with more than two of their kind on the field). This cartoon may stand unique among dedicated baseball stories – as no one scores a run! (At least not on camera, as we join the game with Gumby’s team already inexplicably one run ahead going into the ninth inning.) I guess animating base-running in clay was a bit too pricey a proposition for the production-line budget of Clokey’s output.
Gumby’s team is apparently the visitor, as they bat first in the ninth. We don’t even see the first out, but join as Prickle swings too slow, and receives a call of strike three for the second out. Gumby comes to bat. The Block Heads don’t see much threat, as their first baseman lounges upon the base while sitting in an easy chair, and an outfielder waits near the fence with a motor scooter. Gumby takes a first strike, twisting his whole body into a braid with the force of his swing. The next ball is well-hit toward the outfield, but the cheating fielder hops on his motor scooter and is soon under the ball, for an easy catch and the third out.
Now Gumby takes the mound. His pitch to the first Block Head batter heads straight for the Professor at third base, going right down his throat and into his stomach. The Professor manages to burp up the ball, and the batter is called out. The next batter hits a comebacker straight at Gumby – too fast for Gumby to lower a glove to catch it. The ball sails right through Gumby’s abdomen, leaving a perfect circular hole in his clay. Fortunately, Pokey is backing Gumby up at second, and makes a spectacular catch of the ball in his mouth without swallowing it. The stadium announcer utters accolades at the efficient out, though adding that that last play had to have smarted some, at least where Gumby was concerned. The final batter steps up, and hits a fly ball into center field. Pokey, Goo, and the Professor converge upon the same spot, calling for the ball. They collide, their clay amassing together in a tangled mess, as the ball bounces off the Professor’s head and back toward the mound. Gumby, turned around to watch the action, has the ball take a clean bounce from the Professor’s head, right into the circular hole in his own belly, where the ball lodges. Third out. “That’s using the old stomach”, remarks the recovered Pokey, as the Gumby team wins the game.
Battery Up (Jack Kinney/King Features, Popeye, circa 1960) is among the final returns to sports cartoons of director Jack Kinney of Goofy fame. With its restricted TV budget, it has only a shadow of the life and energy of its Disney predecessors, but still manages to crank out a clever idea or two. Popeye (who seems to be playing solo in the manner of Bugs Bunny), is pitted against the Boilermaker Boys – an entire nine-man army of identical Blutos (or Brutuses, if you prefer, as the character was referred to in this incarnation of the series). Wimpy serves as umpire, splitting his time between attempting to watch the ball with one eye, and his hamburgers with the other, and may in fact own the ballpark, given the field’s name of Meatball Meadows. Olive plays a rabid fan of Popeye, seated in the outfield bleachers, allowing Popeye to take brief breaks between pitches for flirtation.
Popeye gets the feeling from the first pitch that it’s going to be a long day, as the first Bluto smacks it right through the air space where Popeye’s head should be (causing the sailor to retract his head into his collar), and knocks a perfect round hole through the brick wall marking the outfield limits. Despite the ball leaving the park, its low flight path seems to result in only a double, leaving the taunting Bluto razzing Popeye from second base. “Why that lucky no good…” mutters a peeved Popeye. Instead of speed, Popeye tries a change of pace with the next batter – a slow ball so slow, only the pitch to Woody Woodpecker in “Kiddie League” comes close to equaling it. The batter literally falls asleep, leaning on his bat at the plate, before the ball can reach him. Wimpy busies himself buying hamburgers from a concession stand, and Popeye uses the time for more flirtation with Olive. Finally, the ball makes slow-motion contact with the bat, knocking the pin out from under the sleeping Bluto, who falls on his face at the plate. Despite the total lack of pitch momentum, that should have left the ball wearily bouncing off the bat to the dirt below, the ball somehow responds as if belted for a blow, and sails into the outfield. But, as Popeye is already there with Olive, the sailor nonchalantly holds out his glove hand, and easily catches the ball without effort. The angry Bluto chomps upon his bat, then snaps it in two over his teeth.
Another Bluto comes to the plate. Popeye serves up his extra-special whipper-dipper-dipsy-doodle ball. He winds up with his arm spinning around for the longest time, then twists his elbow around to toss the ball to the plate behind his back. The pitch doesn’t fool anybody, and the batter solidly belts it right down Popeye’s throat. As the batter stomps his way to first, Popeye kicks himself in the rear to eject the ball from his windpipe, then races the runner to first. Popeye stands ready to make the tag, but the runner slides, leaving Popeye buried in a cone of dust (lifted from Woody Woodpecker’s “The Screwball”), while the runner rests comfortably with his elbow planted upon the bag. Just not Popeye’s day. Angry Olive disagrees with Wimpy’s call of “Safe”, and tosses all her food and spectator’s gear at the umpire. Wimpy is forced to lay upon his belly, with his chest protector turned round to protect his back from all the flting debris. Popeye resumes his place on the mound, and the next batter hits a foul ball – straight into the lens of the TV camera, and out a hole in the screen of a living-room TV set. Popeye appears upon the broken screen, dragging in a new piece of glass for the picture tube, and excusing himself to the audience for the technical difficulties. Back to business. Popeye pitches a flaming fireball, but the batter addresses it by turning his bat like a pool cue, and calling his shot for the corner pocket. Popeye ducks as the ball whizzes over his back, parting a crease down the middle of his pants. Another pitch is somehow met by a return deluge of about 50 baseballs. One goes almost straight up, directly into the sum.
Popeye squints badly, muttering “Now where’d that screwball ball go?” It lands right upon his head, bouncing several times to drive him waist-deep into the pitcher’s mound. Not even bothering to dig out, Popeye pitches again from where he rests. A shot catches in Popeye’s glove, pulling him out of the hole, and carrying the sailor over the left field fence, and smack through the window of a shop with an odd combination of business lines: “Sporting goods and spinach store”. One can of the merchandise devoured, and Popeye bursts back into the stadium, through the brick wall. A quick wind-up to the astonished Blutos, and another pitch. The batter connects, driving the ball through Popeye’s glove for the usual hole-piercing. But Popeye outraces the ball to second, and tags the runner successfully. As another batter steps up, Popeye begins delivering a seemingly never-ending flow of pitches, with the batter using up strike after strike in wild belated swings. Popeye and Olive keep the pitches coming, as Olive passes balls to Popeye from the ball bag and Popeye pitches all the way from the outfield. We cut back to the plate, to see all the Blutos apparently clobbered by pitches, most unconscious upon the ground. One half-groggy batter still has his bat partly-raised as Popeye’s last pitch arrives. The ball again rebounds off the bat into the outfield, This time, it bonks both Popeye and Olive in succession upon the cranium, knocking them cold. They rest with their heads together chin0to-chin, as two small hearts appear from their heads like traditional knock-out stars, and circle around together in the air for the fade out.
Popeye and the Dragon – Another Jack Kinney/King Features episode of the same period, with a marginal baseball gag. We begin with a view of the internal courtyard of a medieval castle, seen from a view over the castle wall, with a giant and fierce dragon having already invaded the royal domain, and making off over the wall with the Princess Olive, held by her tresses clamped firmly in the dragon’s jaws. Her piercing cries for help are heard by Sir Popeye – a would-be knight not yet bedecked in steel overwear – if not by everyone else in the kingdom. Popeye realizes he can’t fight a dragon in his current “sissy” medieval duds, and heads straight for Wimpy’s Armour Shoppe. “Something in Ready-To-Wear?”, Wimpy suggests, and is soon fitting Popeye into a covering of a pot-bellied stove, with custom alterations of shrink-to-fit, accomplished with a jack-hammer. Next, Popeye needs a charger. So, head for “Horses For Hire”, and charge-it on his credit card.
Popeye finds the dragon hiding out in a cave, with Olive still a prisoner. Olive herself seems to be getting frustrated at finding no response to her screams, changing mood from fear to anger in mid-sentence. “Save me, somebody – ANYBODY!” The dragon isn’t afraid, and even lays out a welcome mat for his visitor. Popeye orders him to come out and fight. The dragon emerges, standing about six stories tall. Though Popeye orders his charger to charge, the frightened horse just lays upon his belly, and waves one hoof in cordial greeting to the dragon, with a shy grin. The dragon lets out a first breath of fire, sending the horse running for cover, leaving Popeye upon the ground, his lance on fire. Popeye believes in meeting his opponent head-on, so engages in a series of charges on foot, launching himself headlong into the air at the dragon’s mid-section. Each time, the dragon meets the charge in a different way. First, a move a la Warner’s Hippety Hopper, rearing back upon his tail, and repelling Popeye with a kick of his feet. Next, the dragon pulls out a pair of giant cymbals, and flattens Popeye with a thundering crash between them. Third time, the dragon turns his back to Popeye, looking over his own shoulder with a mirror, and sticks out a clenched fist right on cue to belt Popeye in the jaw. Finally, the dragon appears in a baseball hat, swinging three bats, and belts Popeye for a line drive, straight through the trunk of a tree. A blast of flame upon Popeye’s rear ejects the sailor from the tree, sailing him into a green area bearing an identifying sign – Ye Olde Spinach Patch. Popeye consumes his morning supply, as the dragon breathes down flame directly upon Popeye’s head – but the effort has no effect, as the spinach seems to have rendered Popeye fireproof. Then Popeye turns the tables, emitting his own breath of flame through his pipe. The dragon can dish it out, but can’t take it, and emerges from the flame looking rather frazzled. Popeye now grabs the dragon by the neck, and drags him down into the spinach patch for an energetic bout of wrestling. Soon, the dragon can take no more, and runs up a white flag upon his uplifted tail. Except the white is not a flag, but Popeye’s shorts! Popeye looks down to realize his armor, and clothing, have disappeared in the battle, and has to improvise a covering below the waist of a few spinach leaves stitched together. Olive emerges from the cave, and offers Popeye anything he could wish. Popeye decides he’d like to own a spinach shoppe – and in a trice, his dream comes to fruition. Popeye seems to be the shoppe’s own best customer, as Olive serves him up a plate of spinach-kabobs – cooked to perfection by the flames of Popeye’s private chef – the dragon.
Flash-forward several baseball seasons, and we find Take Me Out To the Brawl Game (Hanna-Barbera, The All-New Popeye Hour, 1982 (exact date unknown)) – Jackie Robinson became famous, not only for his skills, but for breaking the color barrier in major-league baseball. But the gender barrier? It still hasn’t happened. Yet Olive Oyl wants a tryout with Wimpy’s professional team to do just that. Attendance is down for the Birmingham Burgers, and Wimpy is looking for something to bring in the crowds anyway, so ponders whether Olive might be the ticket to selling more tickets. He delegates duty to his star players, Popeye and Bluto, to give her a tryout. Popeye is game to see her game, but Bluto takes an instant disliking to her, and thinks the idea of her playing on a men’s team is preposterous. This being the 80‘s, of course, the writers view this as a message picture in women’s lib, and Olive seems to possess all the skills to become a first-class contender. (As will be noted below in a later film, Olive becomes much more funny when she is more-appropriately cast as not knowing what she is doing at all.)
Bluto attempts to crab Olive’s tryout. Several sequences simply don’t play funny or logically. A few of the better ones include Bluto passing Olive bubble gum to chew to calm her while on the field, then batting a long fly to see if she can catch it. Olive blows a bubble while running, which pops all over her face, obscuring her view of the ball, and of the grandstand she is about to collide with. Popeye intervenes, by lifting the grandstand out of her way, giving Olive time to clear her eyes and pass it, catching the ball on the other side. Angry Bluto calls interfering Popeye a turncoat, and lifts the grass turf right off the ground, pulling it out from under Popeye’s feet, and causing the grandstand to come down upon him. Popeye peers out from a space below the rows of bench seats, commenting that he always enjoyed seeing a game from the bleachers. Next, Bluto sends Olive to pick out a bat from Popeye’s bat rack – after having filled the box with live bats. Popeye rounds up the bats to protect Olive, using the metal mesh of the batting cage as a net. The bats, however, carry Popeye to a position under the staduim rafters, where they escape the mesh and roost upside down, leaving Popeye dangling from the mesh draped over a beam. “I don’t mind goin’ to bat for a lady, but this is ridiculous”, says Popeye.
Bluto begins to refer to Olive as “a designated pain-in-the-neck”. Finally, Bluto, proclaiming himself the home run king, challenges Olive to pitch to him. Olive nervously bites her nails, as Bluto’s first swing sets up a whirlwind, which catches Popeye and twirls him out of harm’s way, smacking the cleats of his shoes into the side wall of the clubhouse. As Popeye hangs sideways, his can of spinach rolls out of his shirt pocket, and halfway to the plate. Olive is still nervously trembling, but Popeye gives her the extra boost of confidence she needs, by tossing a baseball at his spinach can. The can bursts open, and its contents jet out, straight into Olive’s mouth. Olive whizzes a pitch past Bluto, and plays catcher herself, outracing the ball to the plate. She goes easy on Bluto with a “floater” – a high ball that descends to the plate via built-in parachute. Bluto socks it for a bouncing hit, but Olive positions herself balanced atop the outfield railing on her toes, and stops the ball from bouncing over the fence. “A grandstand play if ever I saw one”, comments Wimpy. Bluto tries to score, but Olive beats his slide, tagging him out, as Bluto continues sliding past the plate, and through the clubhouse wall under Popeye, left to sulk in the steam of the showers. Olive receives her contract as new member of the team, and Popeye joins the liberated spirit of the day, with the lyrics, “When you’re playin’ a game, boys and girls are the same, says Popeye the Sailor Man.”
The Umpire Strikes Back (Hanna-Barbera, The All-New Popeye Hour, 1982 (exact date unknown)) – Baseball in the Thimble League is a bit unique – what with star players like Popeye and Bluto. We join a game in the bottom of the 9th, with the score 49 to nothing in favor of Bluto’s team. Home team captain Olive is first to bat. Bluto makes a pointed remark that since Olive has no curves, he’ll throw her one of his own. A looper goes into orbit around Olive’s middle, with Olive’s bat attempting to follow it, winding her into a tight braid. Strike one. “This next pitch is illegal, but I never let that bother me”, mutters Bluto, sending a spit ball that repeats the old gag of spitting in Olive’s face (though the expectorating is suggested only by sound effect and a few water drops rather that graphically seen, to please the television censors). Bluto figures Olive will go for bad stuff, since he’s seen her out with Popeye – so throws three balls in a row. But Olive doesn’t take the bait. “I guess it’s time she walked”, says Bluto, serving up a pitch that briefly pulls him out of his trousers. It’s a fast ball down the pike that painfully drives the catcher to the backstop, and Olive is out. “Walk back to the bench, that is”, chuckles Bluto.
Second batter is, of all people, Swee’pea. We don’t even see his at-bat, which seems to be over before it begins. That brings us down to Popeye, who might seem the hero, but hasn’t scored all day. Olive shouts for him to win the game. Popeye just can’t see how that adds up, being down by 49 runs. Bluto shouts back that if Popeye wins, Bluto will eat the infield. In Bluto’s opinion, Popeye is crowding the plate, so he sends an inside and outside pitch to brush him back. But Popeye twists his torso to avoid them, and stands his ground. Bluto, in an oddly-cartoony move, shows a ball with eyes (is it Abner?) pictures of Popeye’s pipe as a target, and pitches another close pitch that trims off the barrel of Popeye’s pipe. Popeye admits that pipe pitch was a pip, but still has no strikes on him. Now Bluto’s got to pitch good ones, or walk him. Bluto begins with a fireball – literally taken out of a rivet-heater with metal tongs. It burns up Popeye’s bat, but bounces into the stands, burning a hole in the bleachers. Foul ball. Next, one that Popeye hits as a roller up the third base line – but which carroms off the line into foul territory just before reaching third base, thanks to colliding with the head of a small worm coming up from a hole on the baseline. Two fouls, two strikes.
Bluto keeps dishing out pitches legally within the strike zone, but Popeye keeps fouling them off, in the longest pitcher-batter confrontation in history, as Popeye continues to wait for “his pitch”. Olive recalls something unique to the Thimble League rule book – a rule that seems to be tailor-made to account for the Herculean stamina of Popeye and Bluto. The game can’t go on this way forever – as the rules provide that if a batter fouls off 100 pitches, the last pitch is called a strike. Swee’pea has been keeping count in hash-marks on a chalkboard, and Popeye is already up to 99 fouls! Olive knows Popeye will need help, and suddenly hears the shouts of stadium vendor Wimpy, selling spinach refreshments in the stands. Olive pops her head out of the dugout, and calls for one of Wimpy’s wares. “What kind? Salted or plain?” “Salted”, responds Olive. “Hot or frozen on a stick?” “Hot.” “25 cent size or super?” “Super!” “We’re out”, says Wimpy without emotion. “All right! 25 cent size, but HURRY!”
Oblivious to this, Popeye still continues to verbally-though-wearily rile Bluto that sooner or later, Bluto will give him “his pitch”. Bluto’s temper finally flares, and he picks up a pail full of 50 balls, and hurls them all at Popeye at once. But a can of spinach suddenly floats to Popeye at the plate. Olive has sent Eugene the Jeep to deliver the purchased treat to Popeye, the Jeep turning invisible to make the delivery. Popeye downs his favorite dish, and his bat swells with a golden glow assimilated through his wrists. With one mighty swing, Popeye socks all 50 balls right through the scoreboard, for 50 home runs with one swing, winning the game. Bluto is forced by his wager to seat himself on the infield, and begin chewing. He is thankful that he knew it was artificial turf before making the bet, but it still tastes terrible. Popeye closes with a few bars of his song: “If the infield ain’t tasty, it’s from braggin’ too hasty, says Popeye the Sailor Man!”
Mighty Olive at the Bat (Hanna-Barbera, Popeye and Son, 10/17/87). Yes, Popeye and Olive finally married. The idea of adding an offspring might have worked, if the kid had borne some resemblance to the parents, like those in “Wimmen Is a Myskery”. But a kid who looks and acts normal, with blonde hair? How did all rules of genealogy somehow get abandoned? The result was essentially a flop, though some of the script-writing still continued to have some spark.
A father-and-son game is scheduled for Sweet Haven, with Popeye and Junior practicing on one field, while Bluto and his son Tank practice their own team on an adjoining diamond. Popeye is on the mound, tossing practice throws to Junior. He tries his “invisible pitch” – so fast, you’re not supposed to be able to see it – but Junior nearly knocks Popeye’s hat off with an unexpected hit. Popeye decides to give Junior his best shot, and serves up his old classic “twisker pitch”. However, Popeye’s age must be catching up with him, as his arm dislocates, hanging from his shoulder like an unwound sagging corkscrew. Popeye goes home with Junior for a little first aid, telling the rest of the team that he’ll be back, bad arm or no. But Olive won’t have it his way. As she wraps Popeye’s pitching atm completely up in a mass of bandages, she reminds him that the last time he used his twisker pitch, his arm was laid up for a week. Junior says his Dad’s got to play, as it’s supposed to be a father-son game. But Olive, equally firm, insists that if Junior plays at all, it will have to be a mother-son game. Popeye and Junior exchange looks, knowing that, however well-intentioned Mom may be, she doesn’t know the game at all.
Olive shows up at the next day’s practice, giving herself pep talk about scoring a touchdown, and attempting to self-educate herself from reading a rule book she carries with her onto the field. Popeye, seated in the stands, almost can’t bear to look. A practice hit is launched to her in the field. “I got it. I got it”, Olive shouts, taking a wide-legged crouch-stance before the oncoming ball. The ball bounces between her legs, and Olive contorts, with her torso pivoting under her legs and coming out upside down on the other side, to remark, “I had it.” She tries base-running, asking Popeye as base coach, “When do I run? When is it time?” A batter pops a hit, and Popeye yells, “NOW!” Olive dashes from first to second, tags up – then, having no understanding of what she is doing, dashes back in the other direction, sliding into first again. Popeye can only shake his head. Olive tries her hand at bat, calling “Toss the ol’ pigskin over the plate.” A soft pitch by Junior, making equally soft contact with the bat, is enough to knock her down. At this moment, Junior spies Bluto’s squad practicing again in the other field, socking hit after hit like a well-oiled machine. Junior knows full well his team is gonna get creamed.
Later that evening, Olive overhears Popeye and Junior conversing inside the house, with Popeye attempting to reassure Junior that Olive is doing all she can for him, and you can’t fault her for not knowing the game like they do. Olive begins to realize how much the game means to Junior, and his fear of becoming a laughing stock at the Bluto squad’s hands. Olive resolves to put in some extra work in attempt to fine-tune her skills. Under the lights, in the middle of the night, Olive engages in a secret practice with Eugene the Jeep, who floats in mid-air and acts as a living pitching machine, drops pop flies upon Olive from the stratosphere, etc. Olive tries hard, but at evening’s end has only marginally improved her game at best – and worse, yet, is completely pooped, as is Eugene from all this effort. Morning dawns, and Olive shows up, her eyes drooping and barely able to focus on the pages of her rule book, then falls asleep on the bench. The Bluto squad arrives, raring and ready to go. Even Popeye in the stands can’t find a moment of solace, as Mrs. Bluto takes a seat right next to him, to root for the opposition. Umpire Wimpy (whose umpire’s mask has a special push-button feature, allowing the lower two metal bars to pivot open, so that he can take a bite of hamburger between calls) shouts “Play ball!” Despite a pitch by Junior that both rises and dives in attempt to dodge the bat, the first batter hits one deep into the outfield. Olive just stands there with eyelids half shut, asking to no one in particular, “Have we won yet?” The ball has to be backed up by another fielder as it bounces past Olive. Bluto as usual seems unstoppable, and bats his son around for a fast two runs. Junior tries to keep pace in the next inning, scoring a homer himself, but with nobody on base. The Bluto boys bat again, and Olive botches another play, extending her arm for a catch, but having her glove knocked away by the ball’s speed.
Top of the 9th. Bluto’s team remains ahead by a run, with the bases loaded, and Bluto at bat. Bluto socks one so high, it looks like it will never come down. The runners begin circling the bags, anticipating a grand slam. Olive again consults her rule book for a quick refresher course, but, not looking where she is going, smashes face-first into the fence. Fearing the game is about to slip out of their grasp, Olive resorts to her own unique personal resources, rising in a stretch of her gangly limbs that would rival Elasti-girl, somehow managing to catch the ball! The runners unexpectedly find themselves off the bags, and are unable to scramble back to their respective bases in time, allowing Junior and the gang to retire the side with some quick tosses between the bases. :Last half of the 9th. Bluto pitches, carrying the ball bag with him to the mound, and throwing pitches three balls at a time in rapid succession, striking out the first two batters before they have barely positioned themselves at the plate. Bluto trues the same trick on Junior, but Junior connects for a single on the third ball. Whose spot comes up for the final at bat? Olive. She defiantly calls to Bluto to give her his best shot – still calling for it after the ball has already passed her into the catcher’s glove without even being seen. A second strike registers as easily when she challenges Bluto to try that again. Bluto guffaws at his opponent, and Bluto’s players remark that it’s too bad they sent up a girl. Olive’s eyebrows lower. “Oh, yeah?”, she remarks. She spirals her torso in a move that closely resembles Popeye’s twisker pitch, wound up like the rubber band of a toy balsa-wood airplane. Bluto casually lobs her a ball, while his outfielder relaxes in the field under an umbrella on a chaise lounge. Olive breaks into a whirlwind spiral – and somehow connects. Bluto is already doffing his cap to the crowd as if he just threw the winning pitch, but has his hat knocked away by the ball zooming past him. The relaxing outfielder is caught completely off guard, and scrambles to catch up with the ball. Olive has drilled herself into a hole in the ground, but responds as Junior shouts to her to run. She begins zooming around the bases, but is tiring as she rounds third. The ball is returned to Bluto, who waits for Olive at the plate to make a tag. Popeye calls for Olive to slide. The slide is slow, but when the dust clears, the call is in question. Bluto stands with the ball extended, touching Olive’s nose with it. But Olive’s gangly limbs come to the rescue again, and her foot has already passed Bluto, and rests with home plate balanced atop her toe. “Safe” calls Wimpy. Frustrated Bluto takes up an armful of bats, and breaks them all in half. Popeye and Junior share a can of spinach in celebration of Mom’s MVP status in winning the game, restoring Popeye’s arm, and building up Junior’s too. Olive is already being carried on the team’s shoulders, but Popeye and Junior puck up the entire team with her, to carry upon their own mighty arms. Olive looks down from her perch high above all, and again asks the question, “Have we won yet?”
NEXT: Not announcing my starting lineup until the whims of next week are decided. See you then.